Category: Let's talk
OK first of all, someone else made this awesome point in the public quick notes last night, so I can't take credit for it.
But it bears repeating.
It's rather dumb to say, "I don't have a life." Because of course you do. Whatever state you're in right now, is your life.
I bet 90 percent of us here actually do have a life, but probably almost that many of us would say we don't. I would have yesterday. lol
And now that I think of it, I have heard people in almost every stage of life claiming they don't have a life.
College students: "I don't have a life; I'm just a college student."
Mothers: "I don't have a life; I'm just a soccer mom."
Or mothers who don't get out much: "I have plenty of time to play on the computer because I don't have a life."
Working mothers: "All I do is work in the office and then work at home. I don't have a life."
smile I remember my best friend Tammy, all through college was dying to get married.
Then she did get married, was madly in love, just her and her husband, no kids to tie them down yet, a sufficient amount of money, a nice job that got her out of the house for about 6 hours a day, yet she would still be writing me letters, well sending me tapes actually, about how dull and monotonous her life was, and how life was so much more exciting when she was single, etc. etc.
When I look back over each of the phases of my life, during each of them I didn't really think I had a life, yet now there are things about each of them that I miss.
Yesterday I would have said I don't really have a life, yet my life is actually quite full, I wouldn't want it to be much busier or I'd be stressed out all the time. Sure there are some things I'd really like to have, or do, but someday I'll likely get those things, and then there will be things about the way my life is now that I'll miss.
So, I'm not going to complain about not having a life, and I'm not going to judge other people for not having a life. We're all in the phase of life that we're in.
What do you think? Would you still say that you don't have a life? And if so, what do you need to do to get one?
Or would you say that you are perfectly content with your life as it is now and hope that it's always this way?
I don't think I've ever heard anyone say that, so I would be very curious if there is such a person.
smile
Anyway thank you to whoever it was who made the point last night. I feel much better about myself now. lol
Kim
Hello, I've never used that phrase, I've heard people use it, usually, when they are disatisfied, or feel that there is something missing. They might have a lot and stil feel like that. I've never really thought about it, and just try and make the best of things.
Could I have a definition of what "life" means in this sense? So it's not just the state of existence, what exactly is it? I mean, can a person be alive and not have a life?
If you're alive, then you have a life. You might not be satisfied with the way things are going for you...either because you are too busy or not busy enough, but you do have a life.
I guess people say that either to motivate themselves to do better so that they will in time have the life they want, or they say it because they're suffering from some internal emptiness, so they keep on striving for things but are never satisfied with what they have. Or they say it because they're insecure, so perhaps saying it to others, for example saying "you have no life" to a person who plays on the computer all day makes them feel better about the sad state of their own lives. But, yes, in the literal sense, if you're alive, you do have a life, no matter what you think of it, your heart's still beating and your brain's still functioning.
I think people say they don't have a life because they feel like something is missing from there life. It's funny really because it doesn't matter what stage you are in in your life something is going to be missing. Humans are never satisfied i guess. Why don't people say yes I am a college student , or yes I have a job, or yes I am a mother and I love my life.
I love my life! I never dreamed I'd be in a symphony, but couldn't ask for anything better. The musicians union will soon own my soul, but that's okay. I'll be proud to be a member.
I'm going to have to beg another question, not to pick at anyone, but just to see where people's heads are at. OK, so you think your life is empty or boring or whatever. What are you comparing your life to in order to come to that conclusion? Your life is empty? Whose life is full. Your life is boring? Who lives an exciting life.
Just my 2 cents here.
Godzilla-On-Toast, I would think that most of us compare our lives to that of anyone around us whose life has the characteristics we wish we had. I know that sounds kind of obvious, but I'll give an example. During the first part of last summer, I took a few weeks off, and spent my time reading books and generally accomplishing nothing. I didn't have a job or college demanding my time, so I figured, why not? By the end of the second week, I was saying to my self, "You don't have a life. Look at your friend, X, who is working at McDonalds, and bringing home money, and your other friend Y, who is volunteering at a local store." They were doing things, and accomplishing goals, while I wasn't. So you compare your life to that of anyone whose life has the characteristics you feel are...needed, or desired...in your own. Hopefully that wasn't too confusing.
Also, Kim, thank you for posting on this topic. It has improved my outlook tremendously. I'll be keeping that one around.
It kind of goes back to the whole idea that a person should never compare themselves to others because it will always lead to misery.
Yes, I like what people have put here: further, there are shallow types who will say so-and-so doesn't have a life.
I know such a freak: she says I have no life because I work all the time, and a friend of mine has no life because he is between jobs.
Too bad. Try and reason better than an ape does, I say.
I agree with the people who've said everyone alive has a life. sure there may be things about it we don't like, but it's best to deal with it, change it if/when possible, and take what we're dealt as it comes.
In addition, before you tell someone else they don't have a life, first consider what they consider to be living, even if it doesn't meet your standards. if they're getting up every day and, in some form or another, doing something to occupy their day, then they do have a life.
And usually people who tell others they have no life are actually speaking about themselves, aren't they? Or are they rich successful people who have decided to spread their wisdom to the unwashed ignorant masses? LOL!
I used to have a co-worker who was constantly saying she needed to get a life. Yet she was one of the busiest people I knew. She was dating a great guy and had something to do almost every night of the week and weekends and took great vacations with her boyfriend. And this on top of a good paying job. Yet I heard her say she needed to get a life all the time. So I don't think we can generalize about what people mean when they say that about themselves or others because I think everyone's opinion of what getting a life means is different.
Yeah I guess it just means, My life needs to be different than it is right now."
I was encouraged to see there actually is someone here who loves their life just the way it is right now. Come to think of it, my brother loves his life and he's a musician as well. Maybe we all need to become professional musicians?
There was a 4-year period, about 20 years ago, when I would have said that I had a life and that I loved it. And since then, I guess I've been comparing every era to that time. silly mistake. lol
@Post15 Lol: I am now of the opinion if one is truly successful they give not a rat's ass what others think. I don't mean this 'I'm me, you *have to accept me*' foolishness, I just mean, they are going about minding their own business.
People now don't know what "Mind your own business" even means: they've made a virtue out of telling others how to be and live. I don't mean young people only: it's society-wide and you can see it in every age range. It's because minding other people's business has earned people the status of virtuous, rather than a slap in the face or a boot to the ass.
Hey now. I do have a fentastic lonely life, I say. I enjoy this a lots. going to my work, returning home, joking around, logging into the zone and etc etc. we have to take things easier. so that we won't be feeling as we don't have a life, you see.
Raaj.
lol Raaj, and hugs
hmm.. I don't have much of a life right now.. besides school, studying, exams, and papers, there's not much else going on.. very boring lol.
you do have a life, though; I think that's the point people are trying to get at. whether or not you like everything in it, you do have one.
It's all relative, basically. What one person considers not having a life, such as spending most of your time studying, could be seen as totally fulfilling and enriching to someone else.
Yeah that's true.. I know that college is preparing me for a future job/career, so studying is important, I just think it would be nice if I had more of a social life I guess.
But that's just it, we all want what we can't have. I guess it's human nature.
Obviously, anyone who is alive has a life, but when people say they don't have a life, it's figurative. When people say that, it means they're missing something. They want something or someone they don't have yet, or they want to do things they can't, don't, and/or won't do because they aren't motivated, don't have the skills, or don't have the means to do it. It's not always we want what we can't have; sometimes, we want what we can't have just yet.
Most times, it is probably a comparison thing where people see the lives their friends have, and want to live a similar life. Sometimes, you're just missing something from your life that you strongly desire, but don't have it yet.
I agree with Raven. oftentimes, I don't at all think it's that people want what they can't have. rather, they want things they're unable to achieve at the time, or something else is missing in their life.
I don't doubt that's true in most cases. But there are exceptions, those being materialistic jerks who want more and more until they're consumed by the things they don't have. That was more what I was referring to, but for the purposes of this discussion, and what others have said, saying you don't have a life usually raises the bar in a good way. It gives you something to set your sights on so that you can achieve whatever it is you want since the connotations of that phrase aren't always good.